What I wish I knew before dating my best friend - HelloGiggles
What I wish I knew before dating my best friend. Glenna Schubert We had a love-like relationship that volleyed, and I'm not really sure who took the first swing . Related: What I wish I knew when I started using birth control. Believe me, I've done some horrible shit that I really regret. Let me I just started dating my best friend yesterday but now I'm having doubts. How do I know if it. So you've started dating your best friend, and it's weird, wonderful MORE: I swiped right to all the men on Tinder and this is what happened.
Dating your best friend is like pressing the fast-forward button on all of the getting-to-know-you awkwardness of the first handful of dates.
You know each other better than anyone—this includes the good and the bad—and have already decided that you accept each other, as is. Timing was never our strong suit. I had a boyfriend, then he had a girlfriend. But for a brief semester, both single and realizing what we had been looking for all along was right in front of us, we made it official.
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And it was great for a while. Jake, the person I would normally discuss this confusing situation with, was now invested in our situation. Not wanting to hurt him, I kept my conflict inside until it imploded into a hazy mess. You have to be prepared to lose a friend. Even though our romantic relationship mutually fizzled, our friendship dynamic never truly recovered.
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Our hangouts grew more infrequent, but picked up like they had never left off. We continued on with our individual dating lives, but always wound up back in the murky in-between. We graduated, moved away to different cities, and desperately tried to keep our friendship afloat.
I called him when I got my job; I called him when my boyfriend broke up with me and moved out of town; I called him when I hated my job. He would update me on graduate school, how happy he was to be back in his hometown, and his government job that he was enjoying.
Why you should date your best friend
Then, I went to visit him. When I arrived, after months of planning this long-weekend trip, I knew something was up. There was a new girl in the picture, and she did not care for me. For those who are currently married, the rate was even higher. Men and women had similar rates, while younger respondents were slightly less likely than older respondents to view their partner as their best friend.
The overall numbers from this recent poll dwarf the earlier reported rate of best-friend romantic partners. In a study, only 44 percent of college students indicated their romantic partner was also their best bud.
What I wish I knew before I started dating one of my best friends
But expectations for modern relationships have evolved in the intervening years. We hold our relationships to higher standards than we have in previous decades. In particular, couples now expect their relationships to promote personal growth and help individuals fulfill their own goals. For example, your partner should help you become a better person by teaching you new things like how to make the perfect creme brulee, taking you places like the cool new trampoline park and opening your eyes to new perspectives such as the benefits of eating a more vegetarian-based diet.
Although this expectation for growth could conceivably place an unwieldy burden on your relationship, researchers believe that modern relationships are up to the task. In fact, the idea that a relationship can help an individual become a better person, a phenomenon that researchers call self-expansionis a useful one; relationships that provide more expansion are also of higher quality.
In order to hit all these self-improvement targets, you may need more from a spouse or romantic partner than was expected in years past — and a partner who is also your best friend may be a step in the right direction. Think of it this way: Are best-friend partners better partners? We wanted to see if these best-friend romances were really better. This finding is consistent with research showing that relationships with more companionate love — based on friendship, feelings of affection, comfort and shared interests — last longer and are more satisfying.
Other research shows that those in friendship-based love relationships feel they have a highly likable partner, and that shared companionship is an important part of the love.
A study of married individuals revealed that those with higher scores on the friendship-based love scale also reported more relationship satisfaction, greater perceived importance of the relationship, greater respect for their spouse, and felt closer to their spouse. More recently, across two studies with nearly participants in relationships, those who place more value on the friendship aspect of their relationship also report more commitment, more love and greater sexual gratification.
In addition, valuing friendship also decreased the chances of the couple breaking up. Best-friend love is starting to sound better and better. All of these benefits are backed up by accounts from a special type of relationship expert: